Thousand days journey only just begining!!

Here we go again! Welcome back to all the great and wonderfull stories I have to share much like a Thousand and one nights from Arabian Nights tales.. I have the stories to share here. Not all of them are going to be about me but for now the first series will be. Primarily because I want to chronicle this transistional time in my life with the whole story from triumps to pitfalls and every thing else.

Some days are better than others, living life on a day by day choice, to struggle on. I seek to find something, what I don't know life maybe? I have gained a better understanding of life and my self and how I can be a better person. Even if this is not what my journey started out as it has come to focus on being a better me.

My life in the wrong gender role has been troubling, how could no one see that I was in such pain and struggling with this issue for so long. I was not really all that different then, compared to how I am now. Yet I was able to hide my self fro others and yes even my self so much so I don't know how but I lost track of who I really am. I had to find that again and work on being a better person than I had been.

I was so full of anger that was misdirected at times, I did not show the caring level of love that I had for those in my life like I truely wanted to express and now that time has been lost I can't show them how I really feel cause I hurt them too much while coming through the process. I lost my family. My wife, my best friend, my kids, my home, my past gone.

I am still struggling with this and how can I repair the damages that I have caused. I do not wish to be seen by others that knew from befor, they will never be able to accept the new me entirley. and for that I can't blame them there is just something that happens when you have known someone for a really long time.. they are stuck in that roll with you, regardless...

I am going to have to just go out and try to mak the best of the rest of my life and be happy with my self and be the best me that I can be. I have goals once again to live my life and to focuse back on school, and career and retirment and relationships and developing a life that I can be happy with the results of my decisions from this day forward I am going to cast out the bad negative feelings of the past and instead embrace my new future and the life that I will build and enjoy building it and the process it will involve.

I can't wait for that new adventure to happen... things I had dreamed about during my life might actually happen now! All because I am not going to fear embracing my life any more. I will be the designer of my own destiny, the captain of my own vessel, setting coarse to ports yet unknown. Remembering the Past, Planning for the Future, and enjoying the Gift of the Present!!

I have ganied a new outlook on life in the past couple months and I am in effect man no more but Woman, here me roar!!!
Life will be loved and enjoyed for every moment of every day as best I can.
I will take time to stop and smell the roses.
and enjoy each and every sunset!