Summer School (a transitioner's tale)

Lesson 1: Most people you come in contact have already been through puberty before. Other folk may get a chuckle out of your voyage, but to be honest, are more concerned with other important topics (at least to them) such as children, the job, the state of the world. Remember the old saying, "when in Rome, do as the Romans do" or at least go along with the crowd. It may be hard to deal with, but you'll probably score points with those around you. Save the details of the voyage for when someone asks, or for your therapist or support group. You're attempting to blend into the world as the man, woman, etc you are or are becoming. Just blend as best you can.

Lesson 2: It takes time (and sometimes never happens) for you to gain acceptance, let alone understanding. I have encountered (and are still encountering) folk who knew me prior to all these changes and at least at the present aren't dealing well with them. These folk knew me as I was, loved me as i was. My evolution is in some ways, not unlike a death, with all the processes of grieving and dealing with that grief. Give people time to grieve, express their sadness, etc. I'm not advocating taking abuse by any means, but they also need their time. After all, we (the transitioning, coming out, etc ones) have been dealing with torment, grief, etc for some time. Most who come out, transition, etc have learned to hide, suppress, etc just to survive and have suffered in silence. Enjoy the sunshine, but respect the space and needs of others.

Lesson 3: Things HAVE changed. They aren't what they once were, as much as some wish it could be. Be prepared for anything. I have relocated to the other side of the country, changed jobs, etc. I have become estranged (sadly) from some people who I still hold dear, as they were important in my life. I miss their presence, but I had reached the point that I was i tired of being a basket case attempting to hold it all in and myself together.

Lesson 4: Expect to be alone for prolonged periods, especially if you are far from population centres. Finding fellow travelers can be difficult, along with building a network of supportive friends.

Lesson 5:You will meet supportive people along the way, and sometimes in the most surprising of places, like Happy Cow, CA. By being present, doing (and doing well) and supporting others (meaning fellow members of the human race), earning your place and keep, one does gain respect, if not acceptance or understanding. Respect goes a long way.

Lesson 6: Make peace with your past, since it will always follow you. If you're transitioning, you need to be honest with potential intimate partners. If it doesn't come out immediately, it will come out in the future. I've noted people in my travels who were interesting and would have liked to have to known more about, but once the transition came up, they went out. Whitewash works only for so long. Transition will not overwrite what has happened before.

Lesson 7: You have to heal the past before you can truly move into the future. Without healing and resolving the past, the whitewash applied will ultimately fade, revealing the turmoil underneath.

Having said all that, Harvey Milk was right, When folk know us, they support us. We gain respect for ourselves and for others who are in similar circumstances and for those who follow.

Everyday is a new experience, another chance to learn, to grow. The journey is the destination.