Going back to where it all began

I know it might sound strange but I simply have to leave and face the things in my past. I can't run any more and this time is the last for me. No longer will I be going back as the person I once was because that is impossible on so many levels. Instead I am going back to where it all began the Town, the home, the past family that no longer accepts me I am going to face each and every one of them to let them know that I still care and that even if they don't feel good about this I certainly do. That it is the right thing for me and that is all that matters.

Am I going to face resistance from some? More than likely, am I going to change back because of them? No I will not. Will it hurt some how? Possibly. Will others understand? I hope that they might. Will this help things in some way? Yes it will for me.

All to long I lived a lie about who I was and now that I am to a point that I am happy with my life others should be happy for me. I realize that time might help with the family but then again it may never be truly fixed. I gave up to easily on them and they were my best possible support group. From now on I will not hide who I am. I will just be me and that is how it's going to be.

My transstion has been slow I tried to wait so many years instead of doing it when I was younger and knew that I wanted to change I stayed with my family fought through depreshion and gave them the support and love that I could through the years, but as time passed I became bitter about it and found my self being so hateful about things that it did not make any sense to me.I did not want to be that way any more so I did what I had know that I needed to do all those many years ago.

I changed, into a woman one that is exactly who she needs to be. She is understanding and caring and full of life and love she is me. I made only a few changes, all rather superficial ones, my name, the clothes I wear, the way that I sound. But the Deeper changes are those that can't be seen, the moments were I feel inner peace and happiness. My attuide about life is different, because I have found a place in my life that every thing feels better. How others deal with the new me is amazing for me the acceptance as a woman is complete. Persons that do not know me previously have accepted me with out reservation or hesitation. For them they only see me as female and that is how it should be.

I am still struggling with some past issues that have been left to deal with. I don't think that I will ever be able to resolve every thing and if this is the case then I am going to accept that and move on. But I have to at least face it and move forward.

Much love and acceptance has been given to me, the best I hope for is to share it with others.

Sincerly Janie B.