This response came from a question posed by a member of a support
group to which I belong in Happy Cow, CA. The question:
“what makes a person a cool ts”? (TS = Transsexual).
What follows was my response to the question:
A cool person is one is who supports you, even if they don't
understand. They won't discard you like last night's supper
scraps, or yesterday's paper simply because you're a person who
is TS. Cool people will share java with you, treat you as a
fellow human being and include y…
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Added by Devin on October 20, 2009 at 7:56pm —
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The phone seldom rings.
Three years have passed since I left
People move on, Life goes on.
I see my planet with new eyes; nothing is the same, even though I have not moved.
I often feel like the proverbial 800 lb gorilla; or Moses as people step out of my way to avoid associating with me. (Think parting of the sea of people)
I have backed away from most people, sometimes for self preservation, other times to avoid embarrassing others with my presence when I sense their discomfort.
Folk tha…
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Added by Devin on September 12, 2009 at 8:15am —
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I look out of the corner of my eye to the left and note a couple enjoying Starbucks by candlelight. Dusk is beginning to settle into this corner of Happy Cow. I note her smile, easy laugh and the fellow she is with is doing the same.
They reach across the table, holding each other’s hands, discussing various memories, their lives, etc. They talk; laugh as their discussion goes on into the early evening.
Coffee shared is an experience.
I think I’ve forgotten.
My truck went in for service earl…
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Added by Devin on August 22, 2009 at 8:10pm —
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Lesson 1: Most people you come in contact have already been through puberty before. Other folk may get a chuckle out of your voyage, but to be honest, are more concerned with other important topics (at least to them) such as children, the job, the state of the world. Remember the old saying, "when in Rome, do as the Romans do" or at least go along with the crowd. It may be hard to deal with, but you'll probably score points with those around you. Save the details of the voyage for when someone a…
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Added by Devin on August 2, 2009 at 8:31am —
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Imagine a house if you will. The house is very nice, the plumbing and electricity work. The outside of the home is well kept and looks great. Yet, there is this inescapable feeling that something is wrong. You never really get comfortable in that house. You can rearrange this or change that or redo the yard. Something still isn't right.
Now imagine your life is like that house..you've done most anything to adapt, to fit, yet you know deep inside it's just not right. Try as you might, that sadne…
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Added by Devin on June 28, 2009 at 3:22pm —
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I've had a few patients at the clinic I work at refuse to be seen by me, one telling one of our reception staff that they didn't want to deal with "that freak" I'm fortunate that most of my patients and many providers who refer patients to me have been supportive for the most part.
In looking back, I find very few places where I could be emotionally exposed and vulnerable and feel welcome. I realize that I've put up so many walls over the course of my lifetime that I know I've shut out some peo…
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Added by Devin on May 24, 2009 at 3:20pm —
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In retrospect, there have been very few places where I can be emotionally exposed and vulnerable, yet feel welcome.
I find myself thinking the same with most people, unable to let down my defenses. I've put up so many fences trying to protect myself over the course of my life that in looking back, I've shut out many people who might have liked to have known me a bit better. I think after a while, all one knows is how to put up the fence, stopping only when there is no other option.
Maybe it co…
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Added by Devin on May 14, 2009 at 9:06pm —
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You've stepped out the door,
your nerves a mess.
You begin to wonder
why you've done this.
The years of self loathing,
hatred and shame.
Have led to this point,
your moment has came.
You're out the door, you're now
on display.
You've assumed the risks
to be who you are, no longer
an actor, but in real time you are..
It takes time to fit,
to change and adapt.
Few have it down
on that very first crack.
As you step out,
you assume the risk
of rejection and hate
Sometimes it comes,
but often…
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Added by Devin on January 24, 2009 at 8:00pm —
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I have entered a new country.
The vocal inflections are different,
Same for the mannerisms.
The outer appearance is different, yet I often feel that
few seem to notice, or if they do, I am reminded of where i've been.
I often wonder where I fit,
if i'm being accepted or just tolerated.
I find myself seeking someone to give me an honest opinion, to help me
along in this journey in this new country.
I'm happy to see a smile, hear a kind word,
yet remain vigilant to those signals of being disd…
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Added by Devin on January 9, 2009 at 6:00am —
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One year coming, one year going.
Legal Forms filed, hearing to come.
A full time life lived and living.
Deposits made, other bills being paid.
Remembering to listen, keeping my foot out of my mouth.
Real life is where it is.
Being able to laugh is essential.
A strong skin for dealing with “remarks” from others continues to form.
I’ve developed a better appreciation of PMS.
Shopping can actually be fun.
I Love heels (even if I’m 6’2” in sock feet).
I laugh easier, smile more than in the past.
I c…
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Added by Devin on December 31, 2008 at 10:58am —
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you still look like D to me with more gray...i don't know what to say, except, life isn't always what we dreamt of or hoped it would be...we're all struggling in our own ways, even to those, who have no clue....at least, we are AWARE of our struggles...perhaps, reading is good and maybe, doing some creative stuff or volunteering....we are each given gifts to use and share, that i believe are God given...lately, mine is walking thru the neighborhood and talking with the older and alone ones....fi…
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Added by Devin on December 20, 2008 at 12:03pm —
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I am reminded of a scene from the movie “karate kid” in which Mr. Miyagi tells Daniel “karate, yes or karate, no; in the middle “splat.” In the movie, Daniel moves forward from the middle to later becoming a karate champion under Mr. Miyagi’s tutelage.
My evolution has reached that middle point. To stay at this point is to be splattered. I could go backwards and retreat back into the sadness that had been much of my life. I can move forward and become. Being in the middle of the stream, it is t…
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Added by Devin on December 15, 2008 at 8:29pm —
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It’s been a slow paced end to an otherwise busy week. Got some groceries, had the support group meeting. The company had its in-house Christmas party on Tuesday. The powers that be came up from the large city over the mountain to bring “refreshments” and sing some carols to us on this side of the mountain, followed by the annual white elephant party and clinic ping pong tournament.
To be honest, I opted to skip the festivities, catch up on the scheduling and those clinic housekeeping duties tha…
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Added by Devin on December 14, 2008 at 2:26pm —
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It’s hard for me to imagine Christmas here in South Central California. Being raised in Illinois, I think of the Christmas season as cold, sometimes snowy, the embrace of the family not far away. As the years pass, I find I’m warmed by those memories, even as the distance from there increases.
We do have Tule Fogs, though. Last fall, I was heading up to a Fresno State football game and found myself driving around a 100 car pileup. I was in the Tehachapi Mountains this afternoon and the fog came…
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Added by Devin on December 8, 2008 at 6:19am —
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Coffeehouse Confessional
A few milestones to report: 15 years of service with the company as of yesterday. Five weeks of vacation now. I’ve been here just over two years in Bovine Junction, got a recent pay raise and a better than expected performance review. The temperatures are finally beginning to drop a bit (which makes for easier outdoor activity, given the bad air quality in California’s San Joaquin Valley).
I find I’m invigorated by the coming of fall and the cooler temperatures. I’ve m…
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Added by Devin on October 13, 2008 at 8:30pm —
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